Digital Brainwaves

It’s back! My commentary below the cut…

• “I’m pretty much one of the weirdest guys you’ve ever met.” Somehow I don’t think that’s gonna be enough, chief.
• Dude, that guy’s gonna kill Ryan…
• “Douglas, they’re going to take you somewhere safe…” Simon’s his usual self.
• Dude, did Bjork’s swan dress mutate into that guy’s hat and cape?
• Philadelphia’s up first… short history lesson…
• Hehe, nice choice of music…
• Awww, lots of Paula hugs.
• WOW… that’s a HUGE body change (no pun intended). That’s tremendously impressive. Nice job, Joey!
• Awesome, they started the competition with a good one. Joey sounds great.
• Simon, you ass. “Joey, put some weight on! He looks hungry!”
• Ryan the womanizer… go grandma go grandma go! *shudder*
• Egyptian BeeGee’s fan… oh dear…
• Was that a proposition?
• Ryan gets dissed…
• Once we figure out his name, will he get to audition?
• …and the bickering has begun behind the judging table, with Simon trying to pair Paula off…
• Egyptian dude needs some more practice. Not horrible, but… eh.
• Paula, spit it out. You’re so diplomatic. Tell him he sucks.
• “You are such a… moronic jerk.”
• This should be good… another backup singer trying to step forward. Melanie sounds great, though she should have picked a song with more tonal range.
• “Unique” won’t cut it, dude… it’s gotta be good.
• Uhhh… I think he swallowed his tongue or something…
• Did Paula just snort?
• “Would you like me to sing something else?” — This is NEVER a good question to ask.
• NO. DON’T come back next year. Listen to their advice — singing isn’t for you!
• Lead-out to commercial — Whoa… was that Big Daddy V’s sister?
• Gah… Falsetto is not for… well… most.
• Okay, if he was intending to put us to sleep… he succeeded…
• Junot is a strong voice, he’s going to go far in this one.
• Jose sounds good, too… wonder what he’d do in English.
• got a good string of great voices going through here.
• OK, it’s simultaneously surprising and not surprising that Temptress is a middle linebacker.
• Whoa, her mom’s even bigger…
• Look, I mean no offense to either of them… but how do you let yourself get that big?
• She set herself a high bar by auditioning with an Idol contestant’s song…
• …and she came up a smidge short.
• They’re starting with the personality comments, that’s never a good sign.
• Group hug! …minus Simon, predictably.
• “We’re gonna talk about those kittens.”
• What’s on the back of that guy’s shirt that it had to get blurred out?
• Uhhh… Alexis frightens me, and I haven’t even heard her sing yet.
• Hmm… Mark should stick to the crickets, methinks.
• Dancing, I vote, is not for Udi.
• Nor, it seems, is singing… he at least picked a song with tonal variation… too bad he didn’t sing it with any.
• “Can you explain?” “I just did!”
• “Keep your batteries in your calculator…” *snort*
• “I Love Rock and Roll” montage… some were at least ok… most not so much…
• …aaaaand here’s Alexis.
• Wasn’t the singer of “Allentown” Billy Joel?
• I could guess as to why her pets are hiding under the chair and bed…
• I’m scared to hear what she’s gonna sing…
• Ahh. Overdone… she’s adding too much of style to a voice that isn’t all that strong. Simon called it — she’s trying to channel the original artist too much.
• She seems so calm at the moment…
• “Willem Dafoe…” HAH! *dead*
• Oh god… I hate hate HATE parents who think they’re smarter and have better ears for singing talent than the judges…
• Evidently, she has no talent in tactfully speaking…
• Oh dear, female amateur wrestler?
• Family support is almost always incredible… sometimes too much so.
• Whoa, that’s Angela’s sister???I thought it was a guy.
• They’re building her up quite a bit… I hope she’s good.
• Great, she is. Sounds great!
• I think Ryan’s about to get raped…
• Oh gawd, I hope that guy is clothed…
• Philly Day Two!
• That guy’s too old to audition
• “That is exactly identical… to a nightmare I had last week…”
• Well, they can belt out the words… just not in tune.
• “HOW CAN I GET YOU ALONE?!?!?” “You wouldn’t.”
• Uh… Milo… um… yeah. No.
• Wait a minute… is he eating while he’s singing?
• OK, I’m not sure why Randy and Paula are encouraging him…
• “Well, in England, we call it creepy.”
• Kristy is a deadly package… physically very attractive, but could kick your ass.
• Awesome voice, though.
• Oh…my…god… “what has been seen cannot be unseen…” *gouges out eyes with a spoon*
• I don’t know if I want to know. Simon certainly doesn’t.
• Wow. just… No.
• LOL, they’re gonna let him wax his chest and come back…
• Ok, Paul needs to be arrested…
• Security!!!
• This “Stalker” is more my style… great singing voice.
• Jebus… they taped the waxing???
• “Turn around… NO, Don’t turn around!”
• Simon calls it again: “All because that fat lump wants to be on TV.”
• Chris sounds good, too… and they’re right, there’s nothing wrong with “the chicks will like it…”
• “Princess Leia girl” doesn’t get it. They may want something “different,” but it still has to come with a singing voice.
• She might possibly have children someday? I’m scared…
• This won’t end well…
• She doesn’t sound bad to start… went downhill toward the end.
• Brooke has never seen a rated-R movie?
• “You’re married? Does he watch rated-R movies?” Simon: “On his own… ‘In a minute darling, just gotta check something on the Internet…’”
• Uh oh, she put out the challenge…
• Yes, you’re a dork… but that’s not the problem.  Your problem was stated seven points above.
• Oh no… Dallas is scaring me already, and the program isn’t until tomorrow.
• Hahaha, it’s William Hung, mark II.

They’re off to a good start…  Tune in tomorrow night!  I can’t promise I’ll keep blogging these live, but I’ll get to them as soon as I can, especially when the live shows start.